seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

the movie click isn’t that bad. familiar storyline, but it kicks good. yeah… yeah… that line. oh man… i use tell someone that… ‘will you still love me in the morning?’ i never thought there would ever be possible cimenatic translations.

i cried. tears for real with a truthful sniff sniff and a heartfelt sigh. then of course the absoluteness of conclusion. so… am i making the right decision? of choosing family over my great possibilities? is the movie telling me… i did.

sure, i am depressed or how ever it maybe called otherwise. yet, i feel things will be okay. i am just having an episode. and, today since the other sunday, i still am trying to do away with the anger for my parents. why can’t they realize that all that i am, and all that i have become are their doings? i am not blaming. i already have forgiven them.

but why can’t they just let go of that multi-million loss for compassion’s sake? i have given up my dream and my pride just to keep my family. i know i have been bad. perhaps because i do not want to cry and crumble. because, i do not know how to hurt per se although i end making others suffer and frustrated.

my coldness tells that i am sad, not because i am mad. and i am angry at my self for being weak. i know my family cannot fathom my existence. i know that i make them confused and disturbed. i will always going to be the bad seed. am i really the bad seed?

what makes me bad? huh? trying to stop crying by being angry because i saw and still seeing how people take advantage of my parents? and thank you mom and dad, i think people are taking advantage of me too. i am angry because i am hurt. i am really hurt. anger is all i got to protect my naivety… my passion and compassion.

what makes me bad? huh? praying that i have more love to give? i never prayed for anything more than love. because i know sooner than everyone else that it will always be love that will bring everything into right places. i just want to love. and i do not care if i am going to be loved back. why can’t they… all of you let me be.

i am tired and jaded. i am torned and scorned. however it maybe, i will still sacrifice. make my parents happy perhaps inspite of their deficiencies. i want to stop this prolonged and stale prefacto to my own life. where is my life? what is my life beyond the present?