seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

i bitch and bitch and bitch about life. and then, life bitch and bitch and bitch about me. it’s an amazing cycle actually. but today i’m on my first day on the job. i run from home for this chance. it reminds me that i should’ve done this a long time ago. yet, i was trying to be an obedient child that time. it took me awhile to restrain my self from that truth. somehow, i have to serve my purpose in life. it’s still a gray area but definitely it’s not something that i’m allowing my dreams to be compromised. well, i have a dream after all. i have a sense of future now. i mean, i have to have one, since dying is so far from happening, i might as well hang on and hang out in this so-called life. fair enough? wtf… this is what people do. maybe i should try it for a change. the feel of everyday work load fills my emptiness. funny how depression becomes a sort of my version of motivation in life. because if i’m not here, i am somewhere south trying to be further down the bottom… kind of digging my way to the grave.

honestly, i still have my episodes fighting thru me. i mean, just last night i feel an outburst inside me. like… trying to convince my self that i’m screwed for some reasons. that, this is not for me. that, i should go back and just be the plain law fucking student. that, this is not me. that, working is not me… blah blah blah. i can do both… i can do all. i just got to have a little faith… even just a little faith.