Long Phone
Dear Kie,
Just another phone call, huh? Nothing changes, when no is yes and yes has never been no with you; when I say ‘I hate you,’ you hear it otherwise and much more than it should be literally meant. We bounce to and fro, back and forth or at least I do that. It’s not really your thing. Which makes me ask, what is really going on between the two of us? Somehow last night has been what we are supposed to be. Again, nothing changes.
Well, that call has really drugged me. I cannot feel myself pushing to daunting doubts, confusions and relentless misery that if you come think of it, I definitely have no fucking reasons for such and such. I know you find it a major flaw in me. You hate when I think like that. You hate how I think. You hate what I think. You hate why I think. Eventually, it really kills the very passion of my thoughts. I have a huge box of devastated imaginations. Could you ever forgive me? Hell no, I’m not going to be apologetic about it! Then I know you will just let me be. I should somehow say that you ought to refrain from those white lies. I magnify those little things and extend it to the next dimension of what if’s and insane possibilities.
I’m tired Kie. I don’t like asking or telling you about us and everything else. Waiting has rather become a motivation of patience. I have never been a fan of the virtue. You know that too well for sure.
I’m just saying that I’ll or we’ll let things unravel for what they worth. I mean, months ago, I have wanted you to let me expect of something. Now that you’re giving me that, I think I’ll consider a rain check. I’m just afraid that, finally, we will be so real and normal. Although I wish of that once in a while, I love us before. We have always been crazy for each other. I know I said that I want changes. I don’t really fucking know what I want in this life or in you. All I know is, heart and soul, I need to wake up with you every morning. I hate you. [February 17, 2008, 06:22 PM]
I will sell my soul to the devil if I can be with you (NOT!). Seriously,
Cielo
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