seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

We all have this monumental question. The ideal man whatsoever. There is no ideal man, really, or at least for me. But, I have the idea of a man, which sounds like the same thing. No, it’s different, or again at least for me. When someone has an ideal man, she is totally inspired to have him. Or, she even becomes wickedly motivated to hunt him down until she will get him right to the bones. And then, when she have him, she eventually make a sense out of the qualities, moving on to the next ideal man because she thinks she has miss a thing or two. So there! There’s the flaw!

I, on the other hand, only have the “idea” of a man. It’s like thinking about different shades of green. I like my man to be aquamarine, pine green, sea green or even cerulean (a nice way of saying blue green). See, I would just like to think of the idea, not pursuing it or whatsoever. Sour-graping? Perhaps so. But, I’m talking from experience.

I just realize after spending so much on phone sex and paranoia, I’m not really in love with him anymore like I used to be back then. I could not feel the beat of his heart or feel his soul aching for my smile. It is just the idea of him now. The idea of and even the possibilities of that and what we ought to be had we not quit, or at least I did. Call me shallow (sounds like my name) lol! But I fell for these very words, “… you’re like asking me why the sky is blue and the water is wet.”

“… you’re like asking me why the sky is blue and the water is wet.”

And I fell for him literally, after I made peace with my self and accepted that I could love somehow. He has this dark soul with a pure passion and clean heart. I could see him through the pitch-black clouds of his being. Then, he became all the colors of my life.

The next thing I know, he just become this mediocre white if ever there’s such a thing. Then, the dust and smoke makes it off-ly cream. I’m just trying so hard now, like scrubbing it back to white and hoping for a single color. I don’t even care if there’s no red at all. I will settle for what? Brown maybe? I don’t know. But now, he just happened to become every man I abhor.

*sigh* *rubs neck* I have an ideal man… for today. Who knows how he is like tomorrow.

Today, I like my man to be man enough to tell me it’s going to be okay. *grin* Fair enough. Whatever.

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