seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

have a relentless trust issues. Let me see hmmnn, I don’t necessarily trust anyone. But when I do, I always trust the wrong people. Worst yet, I always have it all coming. Today, I reminisce how I luckily survived my depression. I know, i know. It’s not healthy to make sadness as a motivation to life or un-life. Whichever. Well, it has all started with one dream, which eventually has become recurring. What are the chances, huh?

It has not been easy for me to dream of dad having “a good time” with lady. I’m not my mother, I know. I mean, she should be the one dreaming and not me. I’m just the kid, so they say. I really resist the thought and subconscious idea. But the whole thing has just haunted me. I’m not the confronting type. At least not with my daddy. What really has killed my slowly that time is the song. I don’t exactly know who damn sang it. it goes, “How can I tell her about you…” I mean, really? Like seriously really? My father has the nerve to play that every morning. What he doesn’t know is I’ve been panicking and almost at the verge of getting literally crazy.

Growing up, I always listen to my dad’s guitar strumming of that melody. It’s not really a song, but I know it’s the music of how he feels. And oh oh… He even plays Jack Johnson for a period of time. Yeah, first contemporary singer my dad likes. It has always been Sinatra, Atkins and all those good oldies, but he just loves Jack. And then, that nice memory has just been erased with one fcking song.

So I am sort of freaking out tonight. What if suddenly something or some song will cloud my trust on Brad? Perhaps that’s why I’m not asking about him. I’m not sure if I’m afraid to find out, or I just completely trust him. Like, I believe everything he says. What about the endless circumstances that shout out ditto? Weird, huh? But then, Brad and I all settle things. This is actually my late reaction over what has been happening between the two of us despite the distance and the absence. But I wouldn’t start on the who-are-you question. Or at least, not just yet. I think my subconscious mind is gathering thoughts and queries. Check: I still got none to ask. Lol!

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.