Boring ‘o me
Hmmnn. It’s nice to wake with the sun shining bright for me. I could recall that I did sleep well last night. I like hearing my heart beats. Still speaking of last night, it has really surprised me that my dad actually tip-toed to his room. I know, I know… I could just stoic everything off. If he wants to fool around, I don’t care anymore. But yeah, part of me is crushed. I will not submit to any bitterness about the whole thing. It just amazes that I never have that “what if” question.
Speaking of dad again, he has never changed. I mean, come on! I’m almost thirty, he is acting like I’m still a teenager. He could’ve been civil to Brad. I’m upset about it, actually. Yeah, I can still clearly remember how he and mom pry on my phone conversations before. Seriously?! It’s so unbelievable. Ugh!
Well speaking of Brad, did he just call me boring? I know it’s partly mockery and partly I-need-to-be-creative somehow comment. I have plans, which I fail to do. I’m still trying.
Anyhoo, the conversation from the other night has stirred up confusion. Actually, Brad become oh-so chick on me. It’s really cute. I just could not believe how I reacted. Normally, a girl would all be spiced up and all squirmy. Hehehehe! I could’ve been like that. But until we are not really really together, I’ll keep my reservation. Perhaps I don’t want to fashion everything according to “us,” not just yet. Yes, there is an US. I’m just really careful.
Oh I don’t know, really. I love him. It’s frustrating if I’ll start saying what I really want. I actually want to throw myself at him. He’s my angel. I just don’t want him to think that I doubt him or his feelings. Because by the way I’ve sounded that night or even on that phone call, it’s not really the right response. Brad and I have already agreed and settled on these things. It seems I take us back somewhere in square one or two.
I like when he’s talking cuddles and huggles (?). I’m being stupid, huh? Yeah… I owe him an explanation. I don’t know. I just wake up today and realize that I’m in love with him. Of course, I am. But then, I realize again.
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