seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

Geezh, I feel such a Katie Holmes right now minus the horrible outfit. Not that I intend to follow the bob trend, I just need a light head literally. I have taken away the hair that shouts my sunny disposition. So, what happens now? I don’t know. For what it’s worth, I’m called for an interview. Without a doubt I can get job. The problem is, it’s in Cebu. Upside: Near Argao, Liloan and Talisay spots. Downside: Perhaps a random meaningless sex with an ex-boyfriend, etc in some discounted stays just like in laughlin hotels. Oh another thing, I’m still the official stay-at-home daughter. Whatever that fcking means.

Oh yeah, I remember. I have sent Brad this email. Hideous cold. I’m such a bitch. Well, you cannot blame me. I mean, earlier that night I have been sort of throwing myself at him. Like, I’ve spent a day thinking and even practicing my lines. Then, the response I’ve got is a random story about some hot chicks of almost flirting whatsoever. I’ve realized that I become upset, perhaps jealous. I mean, I’ve just laid it all and really working on the risking part. That almost flirting or sexual tension is more real than the possibility of being together; or, possibly “clicking” for real.

Of course, I will run. I cannot handle the thought of it. I’m not being possessive. Maybe I have started to rewind everything he said. I’m trying to focus on that one day I could just have that couch lovin’. I so lack practice. Well, whatever gets me through the night. I should tell him all these, instead of what I have written in my email. Like I’ve said, I cannot afford anger with him yet. What am I saying? *sigh*

Well, I haven’t gone to the beach for whatever I’m opted to do. I figure that I want to keep this something. If I lose my love to forever, it would also mean apathy at its finest. Actually, it’s the sound of my heart beating. I’m just fascinated. The idea of a guy telling me to give me the world. Quiet amazing. It’s all I wanted to hear, not that I really require such thing. The joy and peace he has brought still holds me together. I hope this will not rub off sooner.

I run because I’m a coward. Afraid of rejection, perhaps. After all those virtual sweet nothings and everythings, there would just be nothing at all. This is the first time I am afraid of rejection. It’s better to lose now than lose later right. I’m just choosing the lesser evil. Hey, I’ve almost gone for the whole nine yards. I could not imagine myself losing that warm and fuzzy someone later on. Whatever. But hey, we are still friends somehow. I don’t know. Oh… just another me, myself and I.

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