Suppression revision
A couple of depressing years is ironically worth it. *pft* I hit rock bottom. It may sound bad as it may seems, but yeah I let the monsters out from the closet. My emotional storage is spic and span. And now, I can slowly load it all up once again. If only there are such things as tape drives for awful feelings, I would buy 300 million of them.
I should devise my "emo box" with a ventilator or a flush outlet. In that way, it would be very easy for me to unload crap now and then.
Why am I saying this?
Oh well, I’ve called the dad last night. He has canceled on me. It so not dad. I know every inch of how he uses his mobile phone. The way he answers, talks and sends SMS. Of course, five minutes later, he has rung me up. Pretty smart, huh? I just let my cellphone ring. But seriously, I’ve been on the verge of bursting out. I could’ve told him this - "what if someone is dying at home, would you still cancel?" After a minute, he called the landline.
I don’t really know how long I could put up with this whole male-I-have-needs sh*t. No wonder I really have serious trust issues. Should I blame it on the dad? Certainly. But then again, I’m way pass that. If I just go on doing it to myself, I’ll be the loser. The dad does not even acknowledge anything. The fact that I’m back home, perhaps he thinks it’s all okay.
Yeah, I’m okay. Still okay. Not! I’m gaining a lot of weight. I’m 50 kilos to 53 kilos? I got to be kidding myself. I’m doing it for my mom, whom I also have issues with. Seriously, why am I doing this? Actually, it is the idea of being a good daughter. It hurts, yeah. But, I’m looking for a way that everybody wins. I’m still so working on it. I’m really glad Brad is giving me that shoving.
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