Beaching dilemma
I still don’t want to think about last night. What the hell I’ve been thinking? We are on that same page again. It’s so funny how I feel. I mean, it is a good thing. My emotions indeed signifies that I truly love him. I have that willingness to settle things, least that I’m sort of upset somehow. I mean come on, it’s not everyday that I get angry at somebody aside from my family.
Well, I want to throw in my swimsuit right now and head for the beach. It’s a little sunny, though. I don’t really like going there without any dark clouds. Nope, I’m not talking about being afraid of the sun. It’s just that when it’s so sunny, it’s mostly flat. I don’t like a flat water, unless of course I want to go flirting with someone on the shore.
How could he possibly doubt me over and over again? *pft* I could not blame him. I do it sometimes too. I love Brad from the center of my soul, wherever that is. It’s different with him. I don’t have to rationalize. All those convincing myself is a product of my silly paranoia, which is barely real. Like, I force it or something. Well, I have to be defensive somehow. I’ve been bitten once. I have a privilege to shy away twice.
He is my REAL happy thought. The one that really buffer me from bad feelings. When I think about him, I see me laughing with him. And oh, that sunny laugh by the beach. Salty breeze blowing my long hair, which apparently is nonexistence at the moment.
Yeah, it’s so frustrating when he wants me to virtually whisper something. I don’t know what to whisper on the screen. I sure know how to do it for real. Well honestly, I don’t really want to whisper. I just want to kiss him. If he only knows how much I love him. I want to do love. I don’t want to speak it or write it, or even whisper it to him. I mean, I’m not talking about just making love. I want him to experience my love beyond my words. Saying is one thing, doing it is another. It is greater… even greatest.
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