seacielo

Just got so found of my little niece and her big eyes. Those are just the eyes my sister always wanted for her baby. She always admired bright round eyes of babies before. Now, she has a baby that flashes those windows of the soul.

Me: OMG! My hair is really falling off again!

Sister: Hahahaha! What is happening to you? You’re like Hercules….

Me: Huh? Hahahaha!

Sister: I mean David.

Me: Hahahahaha! What?!

Sister: No! I mean Goliath!

Me: Bwhahahahaha!

Sister: Hahahahaha! Wait! Wait…!

Me: You mean Samson?!

Sister: Hahahahahaha!

Finally I will have the place on my own soon. The brother is going and the sister is going soon too. How great can like be with patience? Yup, one thing I have learned lately, or what life wants me to learn is patience. And, I can say that I am learning well. I can be a bitch once in awhile but I’ve gotten bye in those situation.

So, when I am alone soon… I will clean up, decorate and maintain. How bad could that be? I have been meaning to scrub the bathroom walls. I want to disinfect the sink, every part of it including Elkay or the faucet. Hmmnn a lot of things to be done. In short, I am decluttering. Life is good. I just hope Brad is out of the darkness by now. I am almost getting impatient waiting for him.

Oh yeah! She’s a darling and she loves water. I know she took that from me, unknowingly? And she loves the beach… now I have a little girl traveling with me soon to skim events. Lovely, she is! I wish her mommy will give her an Olympic size pool. I think she will be a swimmer, if not a surfer or yes… a skimboarder. Her mommy has asked for a skimboard for her. Of course I will give her… but not just yet.

I think all we need for a pool is a big space, lots of water and one of those quality pool pumps. If her grandparents will decide to get that property in CBR. I will DEMAND a pool for her. After all the water is incredibly free there. Literally free.

Look at my little sister carrying my niece. Sweetness! I cannot wait for Kjaere to have her first halloween. The malls are starting to show off kids halloween costumes everywhere. I want to dress her up as an angel or a princess or a ballerina, or a porcelain doll? Or, or, or… a little hula girl.

She loves flowers. She loves pretty things like me. The garden is her first destination early in the morning. Oh I miss her, yeah. I miss how we just stand in the garden looking at the colorful flowers and feeling the morning breeze. I miss her staring at the moving leaves. There’s such curiosity in those big eyes when they sparkles when the trees gently sway. Yup, she is indeed my blood.

This is the part where I say that I miss my brother King. I love my brother Dave, but he is just hygienically challenge. And that smell… his smell… is everywhere my apartment. If my parents are not paying for my little abode, I have already kicked his arse out. Living with this brother is like having testosterone booster everyday. I have to suck it in and man up! I am not making sense anymore. I miss my sister. I miss my sister for brother reasons. She is the one who can stand him and everybody else. Yeah, even my sister is spoiling me with household chores. She always nice enough to do my laundry and everything else. Awww….

I have two ways in seeing people. One, what I think and personally know about them, more likely a probable knowledge. Two, what others know of those people, and again perhaps their probable knowledge vis-a-vis unsolicited opinions. In an ordinary capacity of individual, I believe I am judgmental. However, I have an extended conception of people, which I think an extra gift or talent. And again and again, I say, I feel people. I feel their minds and I feel their hearts. I can even see them in my dreams, which depends upon the strength of frequency. Altogether that brings me back to the subject of cosmic existence. I cannot still explain cosmic existence as I always speak of it.

And so, I guess spending two weeks with a person can be significantly life changing. Not because I allow myself in further symbiotic exchange, by that I mean, being more than friends for whatever reasons “more than friends” is invented for; nor, a status of “it’s complicated,” but I sort of gain a friend. Hahaha… that is so much to say  in one thought about a preschool idea of friendship. Yes, the experience is so kindergarten. Like, I remember when I was a kid, I made friends but it would always take almost a year to trust that person. Perhaps I already have trust issues since I was little.

So yeah, we talked a lot during the whole two weeks. I liked it. Why? Euhmm I didn’t really share about myself. Even if I did, those personal infos were barely even trivial. I gave myself soooo much credit for it. Not really telling someone so much of me, not to mention he’s a guy, is something I can screamingly be proud of. I only got to listen to him talk about the girls.  Ha! Ha! Woooo the girls, which I really enjoyed. It fascinated me how gullible a man could be with women.

So and so, I listened and then there’s Facebook. I know… yes I know those girls. Like really, the stories that come with them. Well, perhaps he is charming. Unfortunately, he doesn’t charm me, regardless that I have a boyfriend. He is one of those guys… just those guys I hang out with, like Chris, Beavis, Opaw… but this one is grouped with Harry and the explicit ones. I cannot really make him one of the Altar Boys for sure. Boy have you heard of the stories? I feel for the ladies, although he did treat them right. Oh being 20 and all over town. I have been 20 and I called myself… sexually progressive that time (whatever that means).

Lesson learned: It is other people’s fault why they are judged. I attest to that! It is my fault too why I am judged. But the world has always an opinion, it is just a matter of not self-destructing.

ODE TO DAHICAN NIGHTS

ug kita nangatulog ilalom
sa kayahag sa mga bitu-on;
ang dagat sa ato, nagatan-aw.
ang mga balod na nagahampak
diha sa baybayon -
atong nabati ang kalinaw.

ang bulan, ang kalubi-an,
ug bisan ang ulan na wala nahibaw-an -
ila sad tang gi-ubanan.

ug ikaw diha sa akong ibabaw,
uban ang imong gamay na gitara -
 ako, naminaw sa kabugnaw
diha sa imong maanindot na mga kanta…
ug sa dihang ako…
 hagbay ra nakatulog na. (toink)

I know I don’t have to explain myself, least not justify myself of my overreaction. I believe everybody deserves to have a happy place. I have mine all over the city; all over the country.

For someone who has braved deep depression of reasons I or some only knew of, I’ve done fairly well. It’s like being in AA – Hi, I am Cielo and I have been sober for two years now… of course from sadness. Faith is a very effective pill, not to mention Love. I have seen a lot of movies about depression and yes, it takes only love and faith to have hope. Hope is the future.

My happy place or places are like wells of positivity and good vibes. I sort of feed on them. They are bowls of spiritual candies. They are melting pots of happiness. I cannot describe how I have been invaded. I know that for other people, it does not matter, perhaps because they are too normal to notice, or worse yet, too insensitive to their spiritual needs. I think I bother too much to be spiritually sane than most of those I know. Notwithstanding I am not being radically religious, although it is part of the whole spiritual process.

So yeah, I have shared this certain happy place with a particular person. And then… he sort of made some people come. Regardless if I have some history with them, it crushed me knowing that, because it is private; it is intimate. Oh well. at least I get an apology. I thought, I would not get any and instead get a sarcasm. A consolation to a great loss. But then, life is like that….

Lesson learned: Say it aloud!

Really, whatever.

three places and almost a month travel with austin, which really killed my darling brad. but, i had been a good girl. for the last leg, i didn’t finish the trip… dad was already furious. i had to rocket myself back home. so much for siargao….