seacielo

I need a new life. I cannot stand the way it is – looking at it; being on in; waiting on it; feeling it. There is a thin line between sentimental value and obsolete, least not trying to exhaust its  worth. I think for more than three years my lappie has served its purpose. Well, I need a new laptop computer. That, and perhaps a new desktop. Am I asking too much? Hahahaha! Let see what daddy will say.

Long long ago when only geeks were online (I was one of the geeks). The internet was like a kingdom. Only the chosen ones could access it, or I would like to think of it that way.

I was not in the college of information technology, but I already knew the internet back then. The IT students were like discriminating of me, finding some outsiders. But, I proved myself and earned my space in the open but exclusively defined XU Net.

So I learned so many things. I could not get enough of finding out about RATM. Google or googling was not validly included in the dictionary. I was using Netscape back then. I searched about Incubus too. Oh… and a lot of researching about Phreaking, the right term of the supposedly terrorizing word Hacking.

I didn’t  really hardcore hacked anything. But, I did hack out of thinking and possibilities. I hacked my hacker ex-boyfriend. Hahahahaha! One of the greatest moments of my life.

I think I already mentioned this part of my life.

My point is… I want a virtual death sooner. But, life now seems to be nothing without the internet. *chuckles*

There’s something wrong with my brain. I can tell. It slows down in a way, but it is strong in another way.  Actually, it’s not slowing down. It just gets fast lately that I cannot keep up with my thoughts. Taking the exam today has been excruciating. It’s like running a sprint than a marathon.  I think I have switched on something that overruled something else.

They say the brain is mysterious. If there’s one thing I am very much conscious about, it is my brain. It’s not about being intelligent, because I am not… or smart, because I am not too… or even clever, still not. It’s about feeling my thoughts. I am always fascinated of how I think. People find it weird, but i find it awesome. It gives me goosebumps when I can see things and make things.

Oh whatever! I am just pushing my mind furthest with law school. I love school. I think I am that I multiplying brain cells in a part of my brain, but losing some on the other hemisphere. Because frankly, if I can afford a CT Scan, I would have gone to the hospital and get a Neuro doc explain.

Well, as of the moment my brain is feeding on sugar. It is not good, because sugar should be coupled with oxygen. I am doing a substitution now.

I decided to segregate my thoughts. This is my loving home in cyberspace, but that doesn’t mean I cannot get another house, right?

To date, I have eight blogs. I just made three recently, which are offshoots from this site – seacielook (just random tumblring), seacielost (my weird hobby of getting lost and gone goings) and seacielove (obviously!)

Anyway, I want to tolerate again my dark self and make a evil blog. Lol! Yet, even I, my self, am afraid of what things may become. I think I am going to blame my mother for summoning all the entities and energies, then praying hardest to have me. I have chosen goodness. If I am going to write literally evil literature, I might as well stamped my forehead with 666. Perhaps soon I will write the story I always wanted to tell. But then again, for now, I can settle for blogging and a little complaining then bitching.

One must learn to love oneself- thus do I teach- with a wholesome
and healthy love: that one may endure to be with oneself, and not go
roving about.
  Such roving about christeneth itself "brotherly love"; with these
words hath there hitherto been the best lying and dissembling, and
especially by those who have been burdensome to every one.



It’s okay to shy away rather to be taken advantage of. This might sound so poetic, but I heard the simple version of this. I am on it.

Hi. I am Cielo. I am ironically anti-social for the reason of sensitivity. I am a bitch. I am a brat. Do you have a problem with that?

If you don’t get me, get lost.

I always have my way of stalling my fate. But tonight, the push for greatness comes from a not-so familiar person. Not a stranger totally, but someone I know but not really that much… Brad’s friend.

Somehow I have to push further. It’s not because he has told me so, but I’ve always known what I have to do in my life… to strive for greatness. I am still in denial, and forever I will be in denial. I think it is my way of keeping my feet on the ground. Greatness is not for me. I am going for greatness because I can share that with other people.

I still want to insist and insist and insist. Brad and I can argue and argue and argue. But see, we will still love at the end of the day. The whole thing will just make me scratch my head. Crying is good once in awhile, he said so. I believe so too. Okay, I want to stop now. Brad is happiness. Besides, he wants me nagging. He is weird. What kind of man who wants his woman nagging him? He does. I have been withholding, but I have his permission. Weird, huh? He literally has told me so. Oh I love him weird.

We are normal in some ways. We argue like other couples. Blah!

Hurting is one of the things I do best. Perhaps it’s about time to do so again. Where do I draw the line of denial and faith? Until when and where I can endure the pain? Ten years, again? Where do I run to now? I want to skin myself alive. I want to scream my pain out loud. Perhaps find another sport that will take me closer to death. Did I just say death?