seacielo

I still want to insist and insist and insist. Brad and I can argue and argue and argue. But see, we will still love at the end of the day. The whole thing will just make me scratch my head. Crying is good once in awhile, he said so. I believe so too. Okay, I want to stop now. Brad is happiness. Besides, he wants me nagging. He is weird. What kind of man who wants his woman nagging him? He does. I have been withholding, but I have his permission. Weird, huh? He literally has told me so. Oh I love him weird.

We are normal in some ways. We argue like other couples. Blah!

Hurting is one of the things I do best. Perhaps it’s about time to do so again. Where do I draw the line of denial and faith? Until when and where I can endure the pain? Ten years, again? Where do I run to now? I want to skin myself alive. I want to scream my pain out loud. Perhaps find another sport that will take me closer to death. Did I just say death?

You know, in every job application I have been through, there’s always this ultimate question, “Can you tell me about yourself?” Oh I love the question. It’s like, I can throw another question, “Can you handle me?”

I most cases, even aside from an interview. I always adjust myself to what the person across can handle of me. Because, if I am to tell everything about me, it would be very prejudicial to myself. There’s only a handful of people who can take me as I am. It’s the reason why I am not that friendly. I am having a hard time configuring myself just for that person. It’s not hypocrisy, it’s just that I have a million me. Sounds like I have a multiple personality disease. Ha! I believe all of us have. The only difference with those MPD sick is that, they cannot handle themselves.

So going back to the question, especially when that query takes form of, “Can you describe yourself in one word?” I cannot, really. I usually say, “I am me.”

But one day, my former boss defined me as “versatile.” From then on, it got me thinking.  Yeah, I am and I owe my dad for it. Everything about me is always about my parents. One of the two things I am proud of in this life. The other well… Brad.

Th reason why I’m bringing this up, is because, for the next weeks after school. I will program myself to raise a company. Not mine, but my dad’s. I am excited. Something to do with his field, not really something like a  rack card printing. Finally, the business that I am supporting him of. I never have a chance of getting a degree in business and marketing or even advertising, but I will do okay. After all, I am a Paloma.

Recently, we have a breakdown. It’s just I didn’t know that my period is coming, and I just took it on Brad again. Although really, I prefer to have it all alone by ourselves. But then, who am I to complain about it? I don’t really care where we are in the world, as long as we are together. Hey how about a side trip and go for some Disney vacations? Hahaha! Okay that’s too childish.

I got to have that dress. I hope I can still fit in extra small size. I will get that dress. It kind of look like this but not really… but it’s still yellow. Why am I wearing dress lately again?

I am not suppose to say something, because fasting do not display itself. I do it every lent. Don’ t ask me how. If I tell you, that is not a sacrifice anymore. Anyway, I have broken the whole thing because my brother and sister are here. They love eating as much as I do. Actually, they love eating more than I do, especially my sister. She has to have the best weight loss program after the birth of the baby. I don’t like the feeling that she can no longer wear some of my shirts.

I am such an idiot! Or what, I lack foresight in noticing the flight of my brother and sister. I just wasted money of negligence. I know it’s just 4K. Dad reassured that it’s okay. No crying over that, let’s move on. No use of being mad. Gladly! And yes, let’s not tell mommy, because for sure mom will like be nagging for weeks or even months on how I or we wasted such amount. It is an honest mistake. I don’t want to blame my brother and sister too. Who cares?! Dad saved the day. Yeah… what is 4K anyway? It’s just 8 signatures of his, basing upon the average worth.

I wish Brad is here to mock me with my tummy. Yes, it’s growing. I don’t know if the movie has something to do with it partly, but it’s different now. I really need to go to the gym, yeah?  And I have love handles? Ewww. I am so disappointed about myself. All my life, if there’s one thing I am conscious about my body, I’ve been so into my tummy… and now this. Not to mention I am 30. Huhhhhhuhuhu I should check phosphacore review. Should I have some of these?

yeah… we’re sort of like this at the moment. not really….