seacielo

Look at my little sister carrying my niece. Sweetness! I cannot wait for Kjaere to have her first halloween. The malls are starting to show off kids halloween costumes everywhere. I want to dress her up as an angel or a princess or a ballerina, or a porcelain doll? Or, or, or… a little hula girl.

She loves flowers. She loves pretty things like me. The garden is her first destination early in the morning. Oh I miss her, yeah. I miss how we just stand in the garden looking at the colorful flowers and feeling the morning breeze. I miss her staring at the moving leaves. There’s such curiosity in those big eyes when they sparkles when the trees gently sway. Yup, she is indeed my blood.

Got this site from Chemae. ‘thought I could try it. Hehehehe! Really?

I have to admit, it is a learning process for the both of us. I am a meticulous and overly dragging shopper, or at least I just want to savor the moment. I love pretty things. It’s just a matter of which of them I want to possess. I am not materialistic, but I sure do buy things in two’s.

Well, I realize that I have never been comfortable shopping with someone. Although I love to shop for someone and shopping with someone (without me shopping for myself), I am usually the third eye and a bottle of answers for “What do you think?”

Shopping for myself is a little bit complicated. It is like a ritual of contemplation, visualization and something more, which might define me weirder than weird itself.

But yeah, like any girl, I love shopping… ha ha ha at times! Actually, when I am with Brad. Another discovery. I guess, he really brings the woman in me. I just want to be looking nice for my man. It’s something I have to learn too. This is an unfamiliar territory where I get to be vulnerably presentable than my usual self. I am not trying hard, but it comes with the boyfriend…. aaaahh…

3 days before I am flying to Malaysia, I burn myself. Surprisingly, Brad did too, which is weird. But again, how odd is it? Talking about cosmic connection. I am determined to be angry at myself until the bruises heal,  but knowing Brad’s burn gives me relief. Anyway, I just wish they are somewhere at the back or somewhere else, so I can easily apply some ointment like back acne treatment if I have pimples there. *sigh* I am so desperate that the scar will blacken sooner. They are still reddish, which means “wait.” Blah!

This is the part where I say that I miss my brother King. I love my brother Dave, but he is just hygienically challenge. And that smell… his smell… is everywhere my apartment. If my parents are not paying for my little abode, I have already kicked his arse out. Living with this brother is like having testosterone booster everyday. I have to suck it in and man up! I am not making sense anymore. I miss my sister. I miss my sister for brother reasons. She is the one who can stand him and everybody else. Yeah, even my sister is spoiling me with household chores. She always nice enough to do my laundry and everything else. Awww….

A week left and counting. I cannot wait to see him. Somehow the guilt still randomly sinks in, especially when he has told me “… he is your ocean too….” That remark hurts me, because he is my only ocean if not the ocean itself. In fact, he is more than the ocean. He is everywhere. He is everything.

As I walk into the grocery aisles, I can only think of him. When I see cigarette stalls I crushingly think of him. Whenever I pass by, I always look for his brand, which cannot be found here. ( I wonder what would he thinks of Rocky Patel). I haven’t really seen him smoking cigars. But yeah, it is my routine if I see a tobacco vendor in the mall.

It kills me when he is killing in vain jealousy. He has no reason to be so,  but of course, he has every right to be. I give him the credit, all the credit. After all, if I am in his shoes, I will be ten times jealous. Now, I admit that. I guess, growing into each other comes that sense of possession. I am not being vain or possessive, I am just being territorial.

Ha! Ha! Ha! This is not a big deal (again). I am just equally worried as much as I want to lose otherwise. I am sick. I am still sick. The upside of being sick, or not really, is losing weight. I really hate this part when I seem to give an impression that I have a weight problem. I don’t and I am not one of those girls who do it for vanity, who resort to easy-does-it pills like apidexin. I just need to be in a certain weight or else hell will freeze. If they do it for vanity, I do it for sanity.

Oh yeah, I am still sick. But, I want to think I am getting better. :p

Two or a day before my birthday, my body is telling me. I am sick. It is just a common cold but I feel disintegration. I am just hoping that it is just a jump start. My head is pounding. I don’t get headaches but I have them now. Yesterday, my brother and I watched The Vampire Diaries. It reminds me of my grandpa’s stories, which accounts are sort of supported by dad’s. In spite the cliche about vampires these days, I have been into it since I could recognize pictures. I wonder, if it’s true that I descend from such a bloodline, some parts of me wants to find out.  Or maybe… I could just write a book about it. If all goes well; if I can finally put my life’s picture together. I will find out and write about it. But right now, I feel that I am not stable to do so. I need more than my usual spiritual strength.

Make that less than two weeks to be exact. Wow! I am really excited. I am going to see Brad. Hold him. Hold him more. Okaaay, let’s not go porno on that thought. And yes, this is yet another weight whinge. I should have been doing my physical routine, and I should have completed half of it already. Yet, I have priorities and a flu. It is different with a flu. I need to buffer my body with nutrients (translates to food). By that, I mean more sugar. It is not a secret that my body feeds on two things – sugar and oxygen. Weird huh? I still need some other things like vitamins. Yup, I get them too with sugar. Lol! Anyway, click here if you want an instant weight loss, not me exactly!

I feel Brad all the time. I feel him in every way possible. That goes to say that he also feels me. He feels me in every way possible too. I know somehow that, even when he has told me he is over it, there is always that remnant that makes him go nutty.  I realize that so. I don’t want to act all innocent, because it is a bad idea in the first place. I pull the defense of  it-is-just-like-spending-time-with-Chris. It is different, though. I can’t explain. I just feel it is way different. But somehow, I’ve come out of it all squeaky clean. I’ve fought it all.

Truth is, the gunner is a prospect for a friend. It is not everyday I consider someone to be in that position. However, for cosmic reasons, Brad had that coming. See, he feels me. Well, I don’t want to elaborate further. I don’t want Brad to feel bad more that I already did. I rather lose everyone, but not Brad.

Lesson learned: No to new guy friends.