seacielo - Da Kine o’ Life

As I feel my heart beats so fast and being left even without forty winks, I realize that this is the first of the twelve days before my birthday. The 29th. If I live beyond the final day of the 28th, then I shall live. Life, meaning I should start making plans. Future, I guess, or whatever that means. I should stop asking and start finally living like more than my surreal existence with only pseudo reality. But then again, I’ll be asking for too much normalcy. How ugly would be my withdrawal? Should I leave now? Should I still stay in my dreamscapes and Poseidon embraces? In this first of the twelve days before my own judgment, I wish for my own this time. What I should want for myself for a change:

1. smiles and lots and lots of real smiles. like that, definitely oh that smiles when I’m there out in the sun, on the beach. i want that smiles everywhere, more than rainy nights and vanilla ice creams;

2. my own home. a nice hut with my love, looking at my love everyday; listening to the whispers of the salty breeze; and, sinking into the million glittering dust;

3. absolute liberty and uncanny safety. to afford and not to limit existence. to let go and get hold of….

4. golden tan and glow in the dark moments;

5. pages that make a difference in the silver screen or in any way;

6. a new bestfriend that could only be mine. let me be selfish this time;

7. flowers. i want flowers. moors. fields. daisies. dandelions. plumeria and all the hibiscus in the world. blue blue hibiscus. i want blue hibiscus with big petals;

8. red velvet cake with candles of forgiveness;

9. trees. i want my own forest. big trees and leafy grounds;

10. perfect perfect oh so perfect shore break;

11. goodness. love. more, much much more love to give.

12. and perhaps somehow to be finally loved back. to accept; to welcome; and not, to refuse or to run away from.

OMG! It’s still the same. I can’t change. I wish I could like, just wish for money, fame and what nots. I can’t think of anything. I guess, I’m staying. This is my life, woe to those who get confused.

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