I am halfway to tiresome of these self-processing or reflections. It is not I do not get it. I do. I get it. Fully. Truly. Still, I go round and round about it. My only fault is giving all in. Shouldn't be love like that? Apparently, it should not be the case. I contradict myself in fact. I say, everything should be right and enough, and then I go on charity spree. I could not help it. It almost like an addiction. But then again, isn't it unconditional love? Yeah? Right?
Love is so tricky. This so-called limitless love is bound for self-destruction, exactly what happen to me. To love... one should be responsible. Love moderately and adequately instead. Whatever.
I want to stop talking about love and the likes. I am beginning to think why I am still talking about it?Hahahaha! I could just stop, like right now. Full stop. Stopping. Now.
I guess, I have to be brave and be alone again, which is ironic because I am alone most days. I mean, yeah there is my son. There is my husband. By alone means, just me in my mind and in my being. My only responsibility is my own being. No worries or concerns of another, not my son or my husband. Who am I kidding, right? I am figuring constantly how to navigate my situation. Years and counting... LOL! I make sure it is different this year. I make it happen because I have made peace with it. I forgive myself everyday I am short of an effort or even motivation. It is a big first for me. This is right and enough for now.
Stopping entirely,
sC