God never fails. Never ever.
For years, I could not understand why my husband does not get the ultimate meaning of love, which is sacrifice. He is always baffle about such grand gesture, in fact, it is the grandest form of gesture as far as loving is concerned. He and I always go head to head about the how's and why's. I admit I demand, I nag him of it. Why not?! I have been doing it since day one, and day in and day out. It has sent me to the abyss of sadness. It has stripped most of my dignity. I have had hit rock-bottom, unfortunately.
Then yesterday has happened. God always has a way of schooling me about my life. It turns out love out of sacrifice is the highest form. It is called Agape. I know that, but I have just found out that I am capable of it, not just God who has sacrificed His son Jesus. The priest has said so, and then I have an epiphany.
I forgive my husband, and I am going to keep forgiving him for not knowing and not doing what such love entails, which I demand of him. I have thought it's just the way it is, if one truly loves another. I forgive him most of all, because I realise I am his first true experience of love; of being loved; of how being loved or to love should be. I could blame it on his childhood, again. Same reason why, after all the arguing, I still choose to forgive him; I still choose to stay with him. It has been wrong of me to ask so much from my husband, beyond his knowledge and capacity.
The child in me has fallen in love with the child in him. I do not want to abandon the child in him, especially he and I have a child together. I would be abandoning two innocent children, have had I not insist for another chance of life.
The funny thing is, my little boy knows more how to express love than his father. And it is okay now, because I have shown him how it is to be loved as love should be truly experienced. My son is so in love with me everyday, so much so, he tells me he wishes to marry me everyday.
It must be nice to be loved by me. My husband is being complacent about it. Like I have said, it is okay now. I get it now. I have son to fill in the gaps, how ever the sizes of them, he knows how to make me whole.
I need to thrive in this life with my husband for our son. He deserves all the love in the world, my love, his dad's love. I need to protect, guide, defend and grow that love in him.
Lotsa love,
sC