Lost Loyalty

I feel like I am the only person in this world that still uphold loyalty at any cost, or no cost at all, and to whatever ends which entails its true meaning.

Loyalty. *sigh*

Of course, betrayal and mistrust are the end of my loyalty. I give chances for redemption before the termination of my loyalty, so to speak. However, when my patience wanes to the point of sleepless nights accompanied with aching heart and tears, which all in all challenge my threshold, so be it. I would cave in and give up, seeking refuge in solace and the idea that people are shit! Shit motherfuckers!

And so, loyalty, it always goes with love.

Ha! No brainer, I am not named love for nothing. Same reason I am loyal to a fault.

Just do not break my heart, because all hell breaks loose. Literally. (Not an expression). It has always been my birth right. Break my heart or hurt me, and someone or something comes from hell for you or your family. Ask my cousins –– someone or something is always watching over us.

Yes, love and loyalty. Me.



They are Cosmic

I do collect souls.
I am not the ripper, but I feel that spark in a person's soul,
even the owner does not know of.
My soul attaches to that glimmer, then they become friends.
And when I lose them, my heart breaks.
The sky rains pins and needles.
Such a pain.

How do I find that twinkle?
The moon. The sea. The trees.
They always speak those starlights in souls.
I wonder, am I the only one?

And so... thank you.



Promise or Whatever

I have to promise myself. Just write, like whatever. Sure, sure there are template trends of a good copy. Who fucking cares?! I seek no audience, really. I am my own audience. Writing is breathing as much as running. It what makes me human with an approved soul and spirit.

I have a good excuse. My son gets every good of me, including my mind. I love like that, very hardcore. Some mums do it all. They have careers and great kids. However, I am not wired like them. I focus and concentrate in raising a human being. I make sure he grows up to be how human beings should be in the first place – inherently good until he is 100 years old.

I am not even half way finishing this, but my son calls. I have to listen and give this up at the moment. My parents never listened to me growing up. I do not want that for him. So....




Cower in Moon

I have to admit, I cower in reality.
I put too much energy in everyday.
Creativity from where I am cleaning,
   feels like a one-hit wonder.
Like I said, in reality, I cower.


High School Alumni

See you in 2021? LOL! Fuck me sideways. I am still contemplating on pledging my presence, least not my participation, and contribution.

I have my reasons —

  1. I do not want to be asked anything about myself or my life. 
  2. I do not want to ask people about themselves and their lives. 
  3. I do not want to wear a t-shirt with a horrible design, texture, colour, etc.
  4. I do not want to dance to a bad choreography. I mean, not everyone can dance or want to dance in their 40s. (I can dance, do not get me wrong).
  5. I do not want to contribute any amount, which is better off for my preferred projects and advocacies.
  6. I do not want to be there just like in high school.
But... I would go to XU Alumni. Now that is worth going!



I Need A Mentor

I cannot even believe that I need one. I am always an island. I figure things on my own. But, I need a familiar face this time. I have just crawled from rock bottom, and I need someone to tell me it is going to be okay. That, I just have to keep going. I have tried my father. It is so sad he does not even care a bit, or perhaps that is how he makes me feel. I have tried my former supervisor, same same. 

I know what this is, a test of my faith, love, and hope once again.

Sometimes I trace back my steps with a million what if's. I am just grateful I have a husband who makes sure I look forward and I live in the present. And I have a beautiful son who asks me if I am okay all the time.

Maybe I do not really need a mentor. I just need inspiration or two. That's right.