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I should stop mentioning weird. I am weird. I like weird. But, sometimes weird is like weird weird.

Lullaby weird. I have trouble sleeping lately. It’s not really so much of a trouble, but it’s just “I have to sleep for tomorrow.’ Even dad said that I have an extraordinary resistance, I still need rest to align my thoughts and my system, least not spirit. So, if I cannot sleep I only resort to one thing… movie. Oh not that movie, but well that too. Ha! Actually, it’s the TV. I turn on the TV until I fall asleep. It has always worked ever since I was a kid. For most babies, it’s the humming or the soft music. But for me, it’s the thought that the TV is on. I need not watch, I just love it on the background. It’s sort of instant abrupt peaceful experience. Euhmm like it will jumpstart me to slumberland.

That Incubus weird. No, it’s not the band, although I love them. This and that incubus, not my type. Do I have a choice? It’s hard to say when you’re in REM. Again, not the band.

The last time a check, the visit was well… here. I forget when but definitely I remember. This one is weird. Monster-weird. First time. I feel like I’ve cheated on my boyfriend. I don’t want to defend myself, because I am helpless to do so. It’s just the part when I sort of didn’t tell him. I mean c’mon, even you reading this won’t believe me.

What there to believe? Perhaps it’s just my subconscious mind? I can’t say so because dreams and the “overlapped dimension” (as I refer everything not in reality) plays an important role in my existence. I believe in many things that nobody can ever comprehend. It’s not that I am brought up to believe such things, it’s part of my design. It’s in the genes. My family just talk about it like it’s trivial. But, I know it’s true when my parents and grandparents slip in their conversations.

Besides, I remember a friend who has a sister with very manipulative incubuses. It’s a very tragic experience for them every time. Another friend has confirmed that incubuses walk with us. So perhaps, those into FUBUs and One night glories… they were doing an incubus. However, these mythical creatures have ways to enter the psyche.

Science explains that it’s a result of sleep paralysis. Okay, so I subscribe to it too. I am not ruling that explanation. Perhaps that’s why I had a monster visitor because I was putting myself to sleep with The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Weird, huh? Hahahaha!

Although it’s explained, I will still remain to hold my beliefs. Truism is not limited by science. Notice how ghosts and other paranormal activities and entities are now being investigated in scientific methods, with all the gadgets and equipment.

Lesson learned: Don’t watch weird movies when going to sleep.

While downhilling is a very adrenaline experience for most people I know, it’s a different story for me. My version of a downhill is falling into the pit of failure. I feel embarassed to myself. This is not me. This is not me at all.

I am not living my own anymore. I am competing. I know too well that competition is not for me. I feel that so. It’s not that I am scared or a coward. It’s just that I don’t believe that a person is measured by proving that he is better than the next person before or after him. I don’t like making a person feel that I am better or he is lesser. That’s just it.

I remember when I was in preschool, and I earned a silver medal for being second in the class. I wondered why I got the award. All I knew that time was, I was playing a lot while the class was going on. Then, I got more awards as I level up… never the first  but always the second. My mother always told me that if I only exerted more effort I could be number one. Oh yeah, I was always accelerated one grade level.

When I was a junior in high school, I experimented with failure.  I always wonder about that growing up. I thought, what would it be like if I would not be in the honors’ roll? What would it be like? And so I did… I didn’t get any awards that year. Everybody was surprised. But then, it backfired at me… I found myself deeply praying that I would not lose my section.

It’s funny why I never have yearned to be number one; to be the best; to be this and that.

But I guess, my own version of competition is with myself. Now I am remorseful. I am defeated with my own negligence. I am waiting for the worse to come so I can work on the contingency and then rehabilitation.

Another funny thing is, despite everything – the failure, etc. I feel okay.

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Wouldn’t It Be Nice If We Were Older
Then We Wouldn’t Have To Wait So Long
And Wouldn’t It Be Nice To Live Together
In The Kind Of World Where We Belong

You Know Its Gonna Make It That Much Better
When We Can Say Goodnight And Stay Together

Wouldn’t It Be Nice If We Could Wake Up
In The Morning When The Day Is New
And After Having Spent The Day Together
Hold Each Other Close The Whole Night Through

Happy Times Together We’ve Been Spending
I Wish That Every Kiss Was Neverending
Oh Wouldn’t It Be Nice

Maybe If We Think And Wish And Hope And Pray It Might Come True
Baby Then There Wouldn’t Be A Single Thing We Couldn’t Do
We Could Be Married (We Could Be Married)
And Then We’d Be Happy (Then We’d Be Happy)

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

You Know It Seems The More We Talk About It
It Only Makes It Worse To Live Without It
But Lets Talk About It
Wouldn’t It Be Nice

Good Night
Sleep Tight

Good Night
Sleep Tight

Good Night
Sleep Tight

When I skyrocketed to 53 kilos the other semester, it only took me two weeks to lose what I need to waste away. So that’s why I have a little issue about just eating as much as eating is meant to be.

So the routine: Exercise. Eat less and less of sugar and salt and of course those infamous weight loss drinks help too.

I can’t really tell if I have acne or just rashes. This has always been a delimma for me. It’s not new of me. I have a bad skin, even though my boyfriend insists that I have a great skin. I don’t know if he is referring to my color or just how it feels when it rubs to his skin. Either way, I know it is a compliment.

What I am saying is that, I just have to stick to what my dermatologist said, stick to moisturizer, sunblock and that cream. I wonder why most girls just pick from the acne solutions shelves. I, on the other hand, have to consult a professional. I think that’s better. Whatever.

Lesson learned: The doctor is always in.

Yeah… I think I am so stressing out and I am taking it on food, particularly sugar and salt. I so sound like I am turning to a Power Puff Girl, except the fact that I am not. I will not gain extraordinary powers, but I am sure I will gain weight extraordinarily. Not to mention Brad is feeding my paranoia. It’s funny because I am still composed about it. Either way, I am trying to be faithful about everything. It’s all I have so far. It’s actually all I have to really make things work out.

So back the bad habit that I have been indulging myself into. Euhmm is there any truth in the benefits of colon cleansing? I sure need more than that detoxification!

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I Love You More Today Than Yesterday by Spiral Staircase

I Don’t Remember What Day It Was
I Didn’t Notice What Time It Was
All I Know Is That I Fell In Love With You
And If All My Dreams Come True
I’ll Be Spending Time With You

Every Day’s A New Day In Love With You
With Each Day Comes A New Way Of Loving You
Every Time I Kiss Your Lips My Mind Starts To Wander
And If All My Dreams Come True
I’ll Be Spending Time With You

Oh, I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
But Not As Much As Tomorrow
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
But, Darling, Not As Much As Tomorrow

Tomorrow’s Date Means Springtime’s Just A Day Away
Cupid, We Don’t Need Ya Now, Be On Your Way
I Thank The Lord For Love Like Ours That Grows Ever Stronger
And I Always Will Be True
I Know You Feel The Same Way, Too

Oh, I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
But Not As Much As Tomorrow
I Love You More Today Than Yesterday
But Only Half As Much As Tomorrow

Every Day’s A New Day
Every Time I Love Ya
Every Way’s A New Way
Every Time I Love Ya
Every Day’s A New Day
Every Time I Kiss Ya
Every Day’s A New Day

Going to the mall today has been half breaths. Yes, I feel like choking because I miss Brad so much. I see him everywhere, especially the liquor section. I actually want to check if Jim is there. When I see Skittles and Chocolates… I see he’s smiling back at me.

The shampoo section. Yeah, he barely shampoo his hair. I like it actually. I am proud of his hair. He complains about the greys, which I can hardly notice. I just tell him always that he should be happy, because the last thing he will worry about is hair loss treatments  like most men.

There is a perk in forgetting something particularly if someone has done you wrong. I guess there is still a little rash from an experience that evil has brought to me years ago. The intention to fight for good and to uphold what’s right is insisting in me, and no amount of justification, least not the rule of majority can convince me. Because, as far as I can remember, those people wanted me out for some reason since they could not accept and allow my possibilities.

Sounds familiar?

Oh well, it sounds familiar indeed! I just watched and finished the two seasons of The Legend of the Seeker. The wizard mentioned that some spell or curse can be transmitted through generations. Ha! It does not take a TV series to say that, it’s in the Bible. Damnation so do speak. Sin. The sin of the forebears will be paid by the descendants.

Everyday, I find something new about my history. I need not ask my parents or grandparents. All I have to do is listen, feel and observe. My life is beyond existence itself. Weird in other words.

Lesson learned: History repeats itself as it continues.

A friend of mine has a status message on FB, it reads:

A diet is a system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

I don’t get it. I really don’t get. Which part will make me live longer? First of all, I don’t do that kind of diet. Live longer? How? I might as well take phentermine diet pills. I read it again and again. I don’t get it!

How so? I mean, starving to death leads to death, right? Perhaps the line is referring to social life? Living a social life a little longer? Because there is the standard body(?) Whatever… I still don’t get it!