25.1.18

Flashback: Seven Random Things

Sorry, I don't know whom to tag. But, I definitely have such randoms weird facts about me:

1. I fantasize about tragedy. Like, when I'm traveling at sea - what if the ship will sink? It's not paranoia but I would like to see the action and drama. I want to see for myself, how would I ever react. Will I die? Will I survive? How many people I get to save before I die?

2. Long hair guys always get my attention. It's not really a big secret. Friends know that I have hots for them. Add some tattoos and I'll holler. Discreetly holler, that is. I have to keep my cool, you know. And yeah, I find squeeky clean men with clean shoes, sooo gay. Sorry, it's just me.

3. I sleep facing the headboard and the TV on. I believe that when I sleep this way, the ceiling turns into some kind of ethereal world. Then, I imagine and imagine some more. And oh, the flickering light from the TV calms me down.
4. I can feel people like an empath or something. I'm still in denial. I'm not a big fan of the supernatural, but I have this experience with a practicing empath. It has scared me big time when he has told the truth about me. Well, that's how I found out about my dad's cheating. I can feel people's guilt, pain, sadness, etc. That's why I want to be with happy people. They lift me up. And yeah, it's the same reason why it's hard to be in a relationship. Talking about the lying and everything. It's hard to lie to me. I don't like this part of me. It impairs my real feelings. I feel other people more than my own self.

5. When I'm mad, it always rains. I don't know if it's coincidence but it always does. Hey, I'm not named after the sky for nothing. Yup, I have a little trouble expressing anger. It's such a very expensive emotion.

6. I always get injured if take a guy to the beach. I almost drowned once. The ocean is so jealous since I let it take away my heart to its deepest part. Maybe someone will be "the one" if I would not get into an accident or he will not get injured or something. The ocean is my heaven afterall.

7. I dwell on little things like a cloudy day. I love little things. A simple smile from strangers. Postcards from nowhere. Letters... oh how I love letters. I love small talks. I love bus rides and getting lost and asking for directions. I love sitting in the middle of McDonalds and watching families having a quality time. I stars, sands and Sundays on the beach. And yeah, I still love being a spoiled brat... of my dad, my mom, and everybody in the family. Ha!

Seriously, my mom even finds me weird actually my parents. Maybe because I see life in a different perspective. I see life beyond materialism and practicality. Oh yeah I'm not practical. I don't save money. I give it whenever I can. My ambition is only limited to helping others and giving love. Real life sucks! Oh yeah I don't plan for the future. I live now. I love now.

One more thing - I do not want to be somebody important. When I was little I just wanted to be angel after I die. I have longed for my death to be sooner. But then, something tells me that I have to live further. I don't need die to be an angel. I just want to love more; to give more. I don't know how to do that with my limited financial status. In the concept of many, giving is all about the money. *sigh* Anyway, it's just so weird when you're little and you say... "When I grow up, I want to die and become an angel." That's scary weird.

— seacielo, june 2008

Update: I got married. I gave birth to an angel. Life is beautiful.